– På kameraet mitt. Høydepunktet dagen derpå er jo alltid å skru på kameraet og se i detalj hva som skjedde kvelden i forveien, men i dag var det langt i fra noen fryd. HERREGUD. Med hensyn til mine kjære venninner vil jeg dessverre ikke publisere de verste rølpebildene her, men tro meg når jeg sier at det er ille.
Men litt skal dere da få likevel! Da den fine København-turen vår var over, løp (bokstavelig talt) fire av oss ombord på danskebåten. Ingen av oss eier grilldress, ingen av oss har en campingvogn, og ingen av oss drar regelmessig på harryturer til Svinesund. Så vi følte oss ikke helt hjemme der vi entret båten i høye hæler og nydandert lipgloss. Men vi gjorde i hvert fall det vi trodde var riktig å gjøre: kjøpte hver vår flaske Vodka, gikk og tigget etter isbiter, og satte oss på lugaren og begynte å lage egenkomponerte drinker.
John Lennon tok seg en tur til lugaren vår! Jeg bare: ble ikke du skutt a? Han bare: nei. Og så ropte vi på de to andre vennene mine og gjorde som vi gjorde da vi var fjorten. Og tjue. Vi tok webcam-bilder. MANGE webcam-bilder. Men her er ett, da.
Jeg er veldig morsom. Bare spør vennene mine. Vennene mine som av fri vilje ble med ned i baren og kjøpte Strawberry Daquri. Drinken jeg fortsatt har i håret i dag, selv etter å ha vasket det to ganger. Og så fant vi diskoteket, og der ble det flere drinker, da. Jentene bare: skål. Vi er så Sex and The City ass. Vet ikke om det ble sagt i går, men det pleier å bli sagt. Ikke av meg. Joda. Men fri for å ikke være Miranda! Som vi alle sier.
Søker solariumsspons til en av mine beste venninner, Selma. Hun drar til Kina nå og der er de veldig glad i blek hud, men når hun kommer hjem igjen vil jeg gjerne grille henne litt. Lover å bli med henne hver gang hun skal ta solarium, ta bilder og skrive på bloggen min at det var verdens beste solseng.
Tequila-shots er alltid en slager! Og så er det skikkelig billig å shotte på danskebåten. Kanskje det er derfor utsikten ser slik ut når man ser bort på det egentlig ganske så tomme dansegulvet.
Riba riba! Jaja. Og så inntok vi dansegulvet, og danset som vanlig med hverandre mens alle som brukte Axe fikk en kald skulder om de kom for nærme. Med kroppsbeherskelse som en gjeng halshugga høner var det egentlig rart at noen så vår vei i det hele tatt, men det var faktisk veldig mange som ville være «vennene» våre. Til og med da jeg lagde svai i knærne, pukkelrygg og gallopperte rundt mens jeg ropte HOGGATJAKKA HOGGATJAKKA, var det ingen som syns jeg var mindre interessant. Men det er vel bare naturens/danskebåtens gang. Til slutt fikk vi likevel være i fred.
Men så måtte Selma selvfølgelig ødelegge idyllen da hun fant den store kjærligheten på dansegulvet. Han var søt da, så det var greit. Og dessuten stod kona hans og passet på at det ikke skulle skje noe mer enn dansing – for ÆRLIG TALT.
Men så ble det visst plutselig kjedelig for noen å være bare oss jentene, for en av jentene (jeg lar henne være anonym, men det var samme person som ble gelèklump på nyttårsaften) fant stor interesse i bartenderen. Sjekker man opp en bartender? Nei. Det lærte jeg i barnehagen. Men uansett, da. Gratis drinker ble bragt til bordet, anonym hang mange timer i baren og glodde på den danske lille lysluggen, og sånn fløy tiden helt fram til vi bestemte oss for å gå tilbake til lugaren.
I lugaren hadde Selma en bøtte BonBon-godteri, og SELVFØLGELIG hadde hun spist opp alle de gode dropsene. Men så! Så fikk jeg øye på en rød fisk helt i bunnen av bøtta, så jeg tok løpefart og stupte til jeg fant den røde fisken. Det fløy drops til alle kanter, men jeg var blind på den røde fisken, stappet den i kjeften, beit den i to og delte den med Selma. Så suttet vi på fisken og så hva som hadde skjedd rundt oss, og vi bare; åh, nå ble gulvet myyye finere.
Så kom morgenen, og vi ble vekt av en vi alle har morderiske følelser for. Han som vekker alle passasjerene på båten, med andre ord. Og så tok jeg et bilde som får meg til å skrike av latter, uten at vi går nærmere inn på den saken. Men jeg vil kalle bildet; I know what you did last night.
All good things come to an end, så vi måtte omsider forlate båten. Jeg så sikkert ut som om jeg aldri skulle drikke alkohol igjen da jeg gikk forbi tollerne, men det gjorde ikke Selma, for hun ble stoppet. Og alt de gjorde var å SPØRRE Selma hva hun hadde i kofferten, og så fikk hun gå videre?! Haha, lite teit da. Den kofferten var jo FULL av heroin!
Da vi kom oss ut til taxiholdeplassen kom den lille bartenderen løpende etter oss. Han ville bli med anonym hjem og knulle, og jeg lo så jeg grein. Jeg stod bokstavelig talt og grein, for synet av anonym som stod der og angret bittert på at hun hadde hengt i baren kvelden i forveien var priceless. Men litt masing og to minutter senere løp en skuffet og sint bartender tilbake på båten og bare; jeg håper dere ALDRI setter en fot på danskebåten igjen! Og vi bare; ingen fare. Egentlig ble ingen av de tingene sagt, men det skal sies at vi alle tenkte det. Selv om jeg kanskje kan vurdere danskebåten ved en senere anledning. Men maks èn gang i året.
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