Jeg skriver det på engelsk fordi det høres mye bedre ut – og fordi jeg ikke helt vet hvordan man sier det på norsk; what did you have in mind? At jeg skulle lese denne mailen med et åpent sinn, at jeg skulle rulle rundt på magen og ligge foran Macen min og reflektere over kjærligheten, like optimistisk som Sarah Jessica Parker i Sex and The City, tidenes kjærlighetsklisjè? Var det meningen at jeg skulle glemme tid og rom, haste bort til «svar»-knappen, fiske en Marlboro light fram fra øret og gruble over hvordan jeg skulle formulere skjebnen vår? Skulle jeg skrive at jeg har gått og ventet hele livet på et slikt intiativ fra en slik som deg, selv om jeg får mail fra maniacs som vil fingre meg i rumpa og som lurer på om jeg liker skog i tur og mark hver dag?
Tenkte du at jeg kom til å trykke «send» etter å ha brukt en time på svaret mitt, for så å ligge og vente på et svar tilbake, med et dunkende hjerte og ti nedtygde negler? Skulle jeg så løpe til bussen dagen etter, kaste meg ned helt bakerst og vinke farvel til familien min ut av det møkkaskitne bakvinduet fordi «jeg har funnet kjærligheten, jeg må følge hjertet mitt«?
Skulle jeg løpt rundt i Oslo med Google Maps som veileder, og tenkt «hvor i hælvete er Sagane? Samma det! Jeg går gjennom ild og vann for deg, min kjære«.Skulle jeg ringt på døra di i brudekjolen? Skulle vi lagd tre-fire barn i trappeoppgangen din, før vi løp inn i den gjengrodde og nedrøyka stua di og søkte etter en halvblind labrador på Finn.no sine «gis bort»-sider? Og etter det, kanskje vi skulle dratt til en bruktbilforhandler, kjøpt oss en Lada og lagd kjøttkaker til middag?!
Eller hva om gutter og menn i alle aldere kanskje kunne slutte å sende meg mailer og Facebook-meldinger og SMS, som om jeg var et eller annet oppsamlingssted for triste skjebner, ulykkelige kjærlighetshistorier og runkefantasier på søndagskvelden. Jeg er LESBISK! Lesbisk, okei?
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