Jeg har en sterk følelse av at mange unge kvinner river seg i håret og lurer på hvorfor de alltid faller for badboys. Etter at jeg ble sammen med Gravlyset, har jeg også fått mange direkte henvendelser fra jenter som lurer på hvordan jeg endelig klarte å falle for en snill en. For det kan føles umulig. Og jeg har vært der selv.
Jeg har sittet i taxi klokka fire om natta, fra bygård til bygård, for å finne en kjæreste som alltid skrudde av telefonen klokka tre. Jeg har kastet noens eiendeler ut på gata den ene dagen, og åpnet opp til blomsterbukett den neste. Jeg har oppdaget at menn som jakter på meg har verdens søteste kjæreste hjemme. Selvfølgelig har jeg opplevd utroskap – og selv om jeg var veldig ung, så gjorde det noe med meg. Man tror jo at man skal dø. Og man skal i hvertfall aldri stole på noen igjen. Jeg har opplevd at menn jeg trodde var fine folk, trenger sterkere rusmidler enn alkohol for å ha det gøy. Og jeg har sett han som spanderer mest på byen, sitte og gråte over en søppelsekk med uåpnede regninger.
Så, hvorfor faller vi for dem? Hvorfor er de interessante for oss? Hvorfor vender vi tilbake til dem? Før jeg svømte ut på Googles store hav for å søke svar, tenkte jeg at svaret er enkelt: Vi er dumme. Og unge. Det er en feilkobling. En dag må man vel våkne opp og velge gladgutt fremfor djevelen?
Men kanskje vi ikke er dumme. Kanskje det kan forklares vitenskapelig? I følge scientificamerican.com er det blitt gjort studier som peker mot at mennesker med «mørke» personlighetstrekk er mer fysisk attraktive enn andre. Psykopater og narsissister for å nevne noen av dem. Et annet studie fra 2016 påstår at kvinner lar seg fascinere av egoistiske, temperamentsfulle og rebelske menn fordi adferden deres signaliserer gode gener og trygghet. Et tredje studie pulisert i Journal of Personality and social psychology i 2012, påstår at kvinner med eggløsning innbiller seg at såkalte badboys vil utgjøre bedre partnere og fedre. Meaning: På et visst tidspunkt i måneden, kan du faktisk ikke noe for at du føler deg tiltrukket av badboys.
Så, kanskje det er hormonelt?
Hormonelt eller ei. Jeg tror på at man en dag våkner opp og er lei. Så lei at man selv ser hvor dumt det er. Om det bare er en fyr som systematisk venter et døgn med å svare på meldinger, eller om det er snakk om langt dårligere oppførsel enn det.
Mange av de du ser på som badboys, våkner kanskje opp en dag og er lei de også. Lei av så mange damer som ikke betyr noe, kjenner på ensomheten som tar dem når det ikke lenger er kult å være den i guttegjengen som har flest damer på gli’. Alder spiller nok en rolle.
Jeg tror ikke jeg kunne entret dette forholdet og vært den jeg er for 6-7 år siden. Og det tror jeg ikke Gravlyset kunne heller. Men så møttes vi, to mennesker som var himla lei av tilfeldige jenter og badboys. Og selv om et forhold var det siste jeg ville ha, så klaffet alt. Det var ingen ubesvarte meldinger, ikke noe spill. Jeg sparket i fra et par ganger og prøvde å teste ham, men ble bare møtt med godhet og forståelse. Det tok litt tid å venne seg til det. At han gikk tidlig fra fest frivillig for å være med meg, for eksempel. Finn deg en mann som gjør det.
Å finne en snill fyr handler ikke om å finne en som har sittet på benken og ventet på deg hele livet. Ham finnes det nok få av – og hvis han finnes, så er det mest sannsynlig noe riv ruskende galt. Men finner du en som har løpt fra seg på banen, som behandler deg som en dronning og oppfører seg tilbake på benken – så kan sjansen være verdt å ta.
Jeg tror kranglene man har sier mye om hvordan forholdet kommer til å utspille seg. Og om vi har kranglet her hjemme. Det overrasket meg at vi kranglet så mye tidlig i forholdet. Men det gikk fort frem med oss, og vi måtte bli kjent på godt og vondt. Forskjellen på å krangle med en badboy og en snill en, er stor. Den ene forlater åstedet og skrur av telefonen. Den andre ser deg i øynene – innrømmer sine feil og tar med seg lærdom ut av krangelen. Vi lærer noe av hver eneste krangel vi har. Og med tiden så har kranglene gått fra å handle om store og avgjørende ting, til å handle om pynteputer og krydring av mat. Han er så dårlig på å krydre mat, hvem faen putter kanel i pasta?!
Usikker på om jeg har noen konklusjon. Men jeg sender gode tanker til deg som sitter og venter på en melding som drøyer og drøyer, og som blir mer interessert i ham for hver time som går. Kanskje er det hormonelt – kanskje er det bare noe du må gjennom. Unormalt er det i hvertfall ikke, og viktigst av alt: Du har bedre ting i vente ❤️
427 Comments
Må spørre hvilken foundation og farge du bruker nå? Du er bare helt nydelig, huden din gløder!
Tusen takk for at du deler dette, tror nok utrooooolig mange kjenner seg igjen❤️
😀 <3
Jeg elsker sånne innlegg som dette fra deg ❤️❤️❤️❤️
<3 <3 <3 !!
Du ga meg nettop håp for framtida, takk Ida!
Er det sant! Dét er hyggelig å høre <3
Dette innlegget traff hardt idag, ass. Noe av det beste du har skrevet ❤️
Tusen takk, Ingvill <3 <3 Klem til deg!
Er ikke så ofte jeg kommenterer, men for et bra innlegg! Du har raskt blitt en av mine favorittbloggere. Selv har jeg aldri falt noe særlig for badboys, men det var likevel annerledes å date han jeg er sammen med i dag enn de jeg hadde møtt før – ingen usikkerhet, ingen stress, helt fra starten av. Når det føles trygt og godt, da tror jeg det stemmer <3 Snille gutter er best!
Så herlig å ha det sånn <3 <3 Og takk for hyggelige ord!
Åh det siste avsnittet ❤️ Er så glad både du og denne bloggen finnes! Veldig fint at du har det bra, og at du er lykkelig i ditt forhold!
Så koselig tina, stor klem til deg <3 Og tusen takk!
Jeg kjenner meg helt igjen når det gjelder badboys. Var sammen med en i mange år og han skrudde av mobilen midt på natten hver helg og skrudde den på igjen søndag kveld. Han hadde selvfølgelig gått strømtom og ingen hadde en lader å låne bort. Hver søndag kom han til meg som om ingenting hadde skjedd og jeg falt for sjarmen gang, på gang, på gang. Gud så dum og forelsket jeg var.
Ja, hva skjer med at det aldri finnes ladere i nærheten! Haha. Huff, godt vi alle kommer oss videre selv om det kan ta tid <3
Ja! Altså, så bra!
<3
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Hvor er kjolen/jumpsuiten fra? Den kledde du😍
Kjolen er fra Mango <3
Hvor er kjolen fra ? 😍
Mango <3
Veldig bra skrevet Ida! Kjenner meg igjen i mye av det du skriver. Er nå sammen med en god og snill kjæreste. Og utifra det du skriver om Gravlyset virker det som om du å har fått en som er vært å ta vare på 😀 Forsett med den gode bloggingen ♥️ Dør forresten av å ha kanel i pasta😂
Så bra at du også har funnet en god og snill kjæreste <3 haha, han tenkte visst at det skulle bli en gresk rett… klem til deg!
Så utrolig flott innlegg! Liker særlig godt at du byr på situasjoner fra ditt eget liv og gjør det mer personlig!
Så hyggelig at du syns det, takk 😀
Tusen takk, Kristin <3
Du skriver så bra, Ida! Favorittblogger’n💯
Tusen takk, Mari <3
DETTE!
Innlegg som dette er hva som gjør, og alltid har gjort, at du skiller deg ut i blogg-Norge. Ikke uendelige hverdagsinnlegg eller reklame, men DETTE. Du skriver så utrolig skarpt og treffende, Ida, og det finnes mange lesere rundt om i det ganske land som trenger en stemme som din.
Alt godt til deg <3
<3 <3 <3
What she said! ❤️
Kanel i pasta høres ille ut om det er tomatsaus i tillegg – Men! Macaroni, melk, sukker og kanel..? Yum!
Uæææ, hørtes grusomt ut :O
Åh! Det hadde jeg helt glemt, spise det selv som barn, skikkelig mums! 🙂
Jeg tror at mange jenter får dette «morsinnstinktet» når de treffer badguys. Helt ubevisst skal de passe på, beskytte og sørge for at de nå blir skikkelige, voksne menn. Dessverre fungerer det sjeldent.
Det er min teori, men den henger godt sammen med min egen personlighet.
Jeg tror også du er inne på noe der!!
Så fint innlegg ♥️ Må bare dele en tanke jeg har rundt dette. Jeg tror/undres om det ligger i jenters gen å være den som hjelper. At vi faller for badboys for at vi har en intuisjon om å hjelpe de til å få livet på stell. Man vil gi omsorg og føle seg trengende, og at de skal forandre seg for din skyld.
Det hele ender jo opp med at man har gitt så mye av seg selv uten å få noe særlig tilbake, og heldigvis lærer man på veien at man skal faktisk få også. Man innser at man fortjener bedre ♥️
Det gir så mye mening! Så vi er egentlig bare godhjertede med morsinstinktet vårt, Hehe <3
For et flott innlegg! Har vært der selv, og kjenner meg godt igjen… men nå derimot har jeg verdens snilleste forlovede og samboer ❤️
Godt å høre <3
Så bra innlegg!
Jeg tror i tillegg at filmer under kategorien romantikk har noe og si😅. Vi ser jo stadig vekk filmer der hovedrollen kaprer badboyen og at han forandrer seg for nettopp henne. For er det ikke det vi ønsker, at vi skal være nettopp den helt spesielle personen en fyr ønsker og ta seg sammen for? Man trenger ikke se lenger enn til 50 shades of grey! Vil vi ikke alle være Ana, som får mannen i kne og hele universet hans plutselig dreier seg om henne, og kun henne? Jeg tror også «morsinstinktet» kicker inn. Vi vil fikse denne badboyen. Hjelpe han😅. Vi kvinner er rare🤓
Haha, ja man kan vel ikke se bort i fra at mange føler det slik også :O Flere morsomme teorier her, jeg liker det <3
Fint innlegg, Ida!
Kjenner meg ikke så mye igjen,da..Har liksom vært den som har falt for snille gutter,alltid..Og nå bor jeg sammen med verdens fineste kjæreste, som jeg traff når jeg var 19. Han er virkelig bare snill!! Vi krangler som alle andre par, men det blir egentlig bare mindre og mindre. Fra å ha større om mindre krangler typ annenhver dag, er vi nå kanskje uenige en gang i uken, men snakker oss frem til en løsning. Så selv om stormforelskelsen ikke er konstant livet ut, blir tryggheten, stabiliteten og gleden ved å være med et skikkelig mannfolk bare bedre og bedre<3
Deg og Gravlyset minner meg egentlig mye om mitt eget forhold, så er det bra nå, kommer det bare til å bli bedre!
Jeg kommenterer ALDRI blogger, men kkurat i dag synes jeg du fortjener en liten tilbakemelding. FOR ET BRA INNLEGG!! Jeg kjenner meg veldig godt igjen selv og er glad for å høre at andre tenker det samme. Jeg kan nå slappe av litt mer på at også jeg har funnet drømmekjæresten! Heia kjærligheten og ha en fin dag <3
Hei Ida 🙂 Ikke så ofte jeg kommenter på bloggen din, til tross for at jeg leser den hver dag! Jeg ble dumpet av kjæresten min for noen uker siden, og til tross for at jeg har taklet det bra så svir det litt i hjerterota fremdeles. Heldigvis har vi noen som deg som kan skrive og tulle om det, på en seriøs og god måte. Takk for det 🙂 Klem og god fredag!
Du har en utrolig formidlingsevne og enormt god norsk! Vurdert å bli forfatter?
Haha, gøy at dere også krangler om krydring av mat 😂. Her hadde vi mange år med «hvordan steke kjøttdeig» diskusjoner, men etter 13 år har vi landet på at den som lager mat får gjøre det på sin måte🤗 Det tror jeg er en viktig lærdom i forhold – ikke prøv forandre andre. Jobb heller med deg selv for å akseptere at man liker forskjellige ting ❤️ Heier på deg og Gravlyset forresten 😘
Kjenner meg igjen i mye av det du beskriver, men du har jo vært ekstra uheldig med gutta tidligere 😔 Tror det handler mye om umodenhet, både hos jentene og gutta. For min egen del var jo badboys mye mer spennende og lettere tilgjengelig. Det var jo de som tok kontakt når man var ute! Jeg tror ikke jeg la merke til de snille guttene og det var heller ikke dem jeg tiltrakk meg. Men det ordnet seg til slutt, falt for en snill gutt som jeg idag er gift og har to barn med 😊
Utrolig bra skrevet. 😍
Det brukes kanel i den greske retten moussaka, men moussaka inneholder ikke pasta så vet ikke helt hva han skulle lage…
Nei, si det! Haha. Glad i gresk mat han <3
💜💜💜
<3
Gikk på samme smellen som deg med ***. Skal love deg at han ikke har endret seg. Samme gamla rasshølet..
Måtte anonymisere. Men så leit å høre! Samtidig ikke overraskende. Klem til deg <3
Elsker bloggen din! Ofte ler jeg så jeg griner av innleggene dine. Har lest bloggen din i mange år nå og du er og forblir den beste blant dine kolleger.
PS: Det skrives «en studie», ikke «et studie». Når en skriver sistnevnte sikter en til studium, hvilket refererer til det å studere.
Hilsen grammatikknerden 🙂
Takk Julie, for så fine ord <3 Og ikke minst for rettelsen, hehe!
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Thanks for bringing this article to my attention, but… the Kaplanis et al, 2018 article is seriously flawed Two main issues, first, while the stat methodology used might be appropriate for the authors aims, but the base problem is that assumptions are made which a science based genealogist knowing the data in these pedigrees would not make Other of their ‘tests’ for validation are biased to the point of being of no utility The Vermont vital recs database for example, just silly to use as representation of I suppose class bias in genealogy trees And one NPE per family, no, that’s clearly not supported by historic demographic data Despite all those big words, old axiom applies, junk in, junk out
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